Alone With You
by abigail03
Summary: Stephanie has come to the painful conclusion that not only is the friends with benefits thing not working for her, but the fact that she is in love with Ranger and just being in the same room with him is painful knowing she can't have all of him. What will happen when she tells him she can't do it any longer? Song Fic, based off of "Alone With You" by Jake Owen.


**I do not own any of these characters. **

Song Fic: **"Alone With You"** (Song not in its entirety)

Last thing I remember was lounging on the sofa of my apartment in the dark watching TV and I must have fallen asleep. That familiar sound of my locks being turned must be what jarred me awake. I glanced up to the digital clock on my DVD player and noticed that it was 12:05 in the morning. That can only mean one thing; Ranger was on the other side of my door. He or I picked up yet another psycho stalker and at this point in my life I am not sure who I would consider to be the safest bet.

I started to get up off of the couch, but noticed that I was not wearing any pajama bottoms, Just a camisole and panties. I repositioned the blanket over my lap and sat nervously waiting for the person to enter my living room and judging from the tingle that went up my spine I knew exactly who it was…Ranger. I raised my hands to my face and rubbed them over it a few times to try to clear the confusion that was running through my mind about our relationship or whatever it was. To me, Ranger is everything. He has my heart completely and that scares the hell out of me. He is the only man that could ever do enough emotional damage to completely break me. I am in love with him, but he does not do relationships and I can not continue down the path we are currently traveling.

Ranger is the most amazing man I have ever met and I know that he would do just about anything for me, except the one thing I wanted most. Again, I love him and I know that I will never love another man more, and that is why I have to end our current non-relationship before it breaks me. I can not continue to allow Ranger to touch me, make love to me and tell me how he loves me whenever he feels the need for me and then in the morning wake up to an empty bed or have to listen to him tell me one more time that his life is too dangerous or follow up his feelings for me with a qualifier. It's just not fare to me and though I know I will never get over him I have to try. I have to move on. I just wish things were different...

I shook my head from my anguished musings and looked up to see Ranger's beautiful body outlined in the glow of the TV.

"Babe."

He said it with such emotion and longing and there was no doubt in my mind what he was here at my apartment for. He needed his "fix." He needed to touch me and be touched and loved, but I couldn't give it to him any longer. Yes, I wanted him to pick me up off of my couch and carry me to bed and make love to me but I knew how it would end and the pain of watching him walk out my bedroom door, knowing it could never be more and not knowing when I would see him again…tomorrow, a week, a month, maybe longer if he was called away was eating away at me and I knew what I had to do. If only he would trust in us that I would wait for him while he was gone on missions and that I am in fact safer with him in my life than when he is gone.

Ranger pushed off of the door frame he was leaning on and moved toward me. I started to panic a little and I think he noticed. He stopped his movement about three feet away and looked down at me quizzically.

"Babe, what's wrong?"

He then moved slowly and crouched down in front of me and put a hand to my cheek. Our eyes met and one look into those pools of dark chocolate had my own eyes filling with tears. When Ranger moved his face toward mine to kiss me I put my hand to his chest, halting his motions.

_Don't put your lips up to my mouth and tell me you can't stay  
Don't slip your hand under my shirt and tell me it's okay  
Don't say it doesn't matter cause it's gonna matter to me  
I can't be alone with you..._

When I felt the betrayal of that one tear rolling down my cheek I blinked and the rest followed in suit.

"Ranger, I can't do this any longer."

I could see the confusion and slight alarm in his eyes, but something else was there too. Something I only saw once before and it was when he caught me after I fell out of that cabinet Stiva had put me in after kidnapping me. I think it is fear.

"You can't do what any longer, Babe"

_You've got me out on the edge every time you call  
And I know it would kill me if I fall  
I can't be alone with you_

_Please don't chain that door  
I can't win this war_

_Your body's like a pill I shouldn't take_

I looked away from Ranger as more tears fell and said, "Ranger, I can't be with you anymore. I can't continue in this pattern we are following and I definitely can't continue having amazing, emotional, loving sex with you, cuddling with you, touching you and having you touch me back, kissing you and just being with you…I just can't do it anymore."

"Babe, I…I don't understand, Steph what's changed? What's wrong? Are you seeing someone?" _  
_

What? He should no better than to think that. I am totally committed to him and that is the problem. There isn't a reason why I should be because he and I, we, well there is no we. We can never be and that is his decision. I turned back to look him in the eyes. I can't imagine what my tear stained face looked like.

"Ranger, no I am not seeing anyone. I can't even allow myself to accept an invitation for a date because I feel guilty. I don't even think about it because of you."

"Steph, we have gone over this. I..."

I cut him off, "I know we have gone over this. Too many times actually and that is why this thing that we are doing, that we have going on between us is too unhealthy for me. Ranger, I am completely in love with you. You are everything to me, but you can't, no you won't be what I need even though you don't pay any attention to what that actually is."

_Don't put your lips up to my mouth and tell me you can't stay  
Don't slip your hand under my shirt and tell me it's okay  
Don't say it doesn't matter cause it's gonna matter to me  
I can't be alone with you...  
You've got me out on the edge every time you call  
And I know it would kill me if I fall  
I can't be alone with you_

"Babe, Steph, I'm sorry. I didn't know this is how you feel and you have never before told me that you are in love with me. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. You have no idea what you mean to me, but nothing has changed. I love you but you are right I won't put you in danger because I was too selfish to let you go. Are you sure this is what you want." _  
_  
_Don't put your lips up to my mouth and tell me you can't stay  
Don't slip your hand under my shirt and tell me it's okay  
Don't say you love me cause you know you're gonna love me and leave  
I can't be alone with you..._

At this point the tears are coming down in constants streams…I am basically sobbing. No I do not want this at all. What I want is for Ranger to pull me into his arms and tell me that he is in love with me and that he can't bear to lose me, to walk out of my life. I want him to take a chance and forget about his stupid rules. I want him to want me enough to allow himself to love me, but that is not what is going to happen. My heart is shattering as I look into his eyes. Other than my sniffles and occasional sobs I let out it is silent, no words just silence. While looking into Ranger's beautiful eyes I see another foreign expression, pain maybe. I also see the slightest sense of plea, like though he doesn't want to hurt me he almost hopes I tell him that it is in fact not what I want and that it was all a mistake but I can't.

"Ranger, I am in love with you and every time we are together, every time I am even in the same room as you my love for you grows stronger, which in turn gives me even more heartache. I can't take it any longer."

I looked down to where my hands were playing with the bottom of my camisole for a few moments and then raised my head back up where my eyes met Ranger's.

"The nights that you come to me and we make passionate love and lay in each others arms are the best nights of my life, but when you fall asleep I lye there in pain knowing that when the morning comes you will be gone. You will walk out and each time you do you take a piece of my heart with you. I don't have much left to send with you, Ranger."

"Oh Steph…I'm just so sorry, Babe."

_You've got me out on the edge every time you call  
And I know it would kill me if I fall  
I can't be alone with you_

"I love you more than anything in this world, but I just can't keep torturing myself this way. I can't be alone with you anymore, I can't trust myself not to want you and wanting you is not good for me. If I can't have all of you I have at least try to move on. I deserve more."

"Yes, Steph, you do deserve more. You deserve way more. I should have never done this to you. I am so sorry. I will be sorry for the rest of my life for the way I have hurt you. This was a mistake. I should have never thought that what we were doing was ok. I should have known. Maybe I did and I just didn't want to lose you, but that was wrong of me. I will give you your space; you deserve someone who can give you everything and that can't be me."

Though I know Ranger was apologizing and thinking of what is best for me all his speech was doing was making me angry. He doesn't know what I want. He doesn't know what my everything is. My everything is him not the white picket fence, 2.5 kids and a marriage. It's just him, all of him. After this he still doesn't see it.

"Ranger!" I all but screamed and I think it caught him off guard by the way his head flew up and he pushed back a little.

"You don't know what I want? Still, after all of this you don't know what I want? Who I am? I don't want nor do I need the "Burg" lifestyle. You should know that I am not that kind of woman. In fact, I hate that life. I don't need the marriage, kids and white picket fence. All I want is someone to give me all of them. To love me and for me not to fear that they are going to take off without allowing me any knowledge and be gone for months just because I am getting too close to them. I want someone who won't be afraid to be with me and won't be afraid to let me into their life…to trust me. Ranger, you know I would never betray you. Your excuse with your missions is no longer acceptable, because I would wait for you. I know you think that it would be too hard on me if anything should happen to you out there, but the pain I feel not having you is far worse. I would rather love and be loved and lose, than to always wonder what could have been if the man I love would have taken a chance on me. That is why I will never be able to fully get over you, but again I can't stay in this current web we are entangled in…it's killing me."

"Steph, I can't do that to you. I can't allow you in, to know what I am capable of and who I truly am. Its not pretty. I can't subject you to that life. This is me loving you, please understand that. I'm sorry. I think I have done enough here, hurt you enough. I think you are right and it is time to move on, no matter how difficult. Steph, this is the hardest thing I will ever do but good bye." Ranger stood up and without even a glance back he walked to my door and out of my life.

I was shocked. I knew what I was going to do when I heard my locks tumble, but I could not believe that this is what it actually came to. Oh god, how am I going to live without him? I can't! With that last thought I completely broke down into sobs. The man I love more than life its self just walked out of mine forever and I began to feel totally lost.

_Ok, so I am planning on writing a sequel but I just wanted to get this out there as it is. Please don't be mad at me because of the abrupt and non happy ending. Keep a look out for the sequel and hopefully it will redeem me. _


End file.
